A$AP Rocky Publicly Humiliates Toddler by Making Music Instead of Watching Elmo

While the rest of us were trying to figure out how to parallel park, Rihanna was spotted in the wild doing the ultimate heavy lifting: balancing a two-year-old in a mosh pit. A$AP Rocky decided to pause the show to give a 'shout-out' to his son, Riot Rose, likely because the kid is already cooler than everyone in the front row combined. Witnesses say the toddler looked unimpressed, probably because he was expecting a personal performance from Baby Shark rather than hearing his dad flex on a microphone. Rihanna looked flawless, of course, somehow managing to ignore the fact that her eardrums were being pulverized while she served as a human high-chair for the world’s most famous toddler. Poor Riot had to sit through several minutes of artistic expression when he could have been at home negotiating for an extra ten minutes of screen time. Honestly, the nerve of some parents using their kids as props for a 'moment' when there were no goldfish crackers in sight is the real scandal of the summer. We’re expecting Riot’s tell-all book about this auditory trauma to drop by his third birthday.