Alex Rodriguez Mistakenly Tries To Hit Home Run With Mystery Woman’s Face

Listen, we all know A-Rod has a lot of muscle memory, but usually, he saves the aggressive pouting for his mirror selfies. Not this time, babes! Alex Rodriguez was spotted at Michael Rubin’s White Party looking like he was trying to inhale a complete stranger’s soul through her nostrils. It’s been exactly four weeks since his last breakup, which in A-Rod years is basically a silver wedding anniversary. Eyewitnesses say the baseball legend was wearing his standard 'I definitely have a mirror in every room' glow, blending seamlessly into the sea of white linen. But things got messy when he locked lips with a mystery woman so hard that security almost called for a search and rescue team. This wasn't just a kiss; it was a full-body workout. He’s clearly training for the Olympics of Rebounding. The mystery woman hasn't been identified yet, mostly because her face was obscured by Alex’s heavy-duty jawline for most of the evening. After losing J-Lo and the Timberwolves' dignity, it’s nice to see he’s finally found someone who can handle his intense brand of professional intensity and expensive dental veneers. Keep swinging, big guy. We give it three weeks before he unfollows her and starts posting motivational quotes about 'the grind' while staring at a sunset in a cashmere sweater.