Andrew Garfield Replaces Human Friends With Literal Magic Tree for Budget Birthday

Andrew Garfield is turning forty-three and apparently, he has finally decided that people are way too much work. While normal celebs are renting out private islands or spraying champagne at commoners, Andrew says he is keeping it 'low-key.' We all know what that means in Hollywood speak: he’s sitting in his backyard in a bathrobe eating cereal out of a trophy. Word on the street is that his 'loved ones' this year are actually just the cast of his new movie, The Magic Faraway Tree. And by cast, we mean he’s literally just hanging out with a large oak. Honestly, after dealing with the multiverse, a stationary plant that doesn't ask for a selfie is probably the best friend he’s ever had. Just a man and some chlorophyll, living the dream. He says he wants to be 'surrounded by love,' but our spies spotted him trying to teach a squirrel how to run lines for his next audition. If this is what being forty-three looks like, sign us up for the hermit lifestyle. We just hope the tree doesn't upstage him on the red carpet when the movie finally drops in August.