Angelina Jolie Practices Extreme Zen While Kids Cut Father Out Like Coupons

Angelina Jolie is officially in her 'Heal, Girl, Summer' era. While the rest of us are struggling to manifest a half-off latte, Angie is out here manifesting a global aura of serenity so thick you’d need a machete to cut through the peace. She just wants everyone to be whole, happy, and apparently, about four letters lighter in the legal surname department. It turns out the youngest members of the Jolie-Pitt squad are treating their dad’s last name like a bad subscription service—they're hitting 'unsubscribe' and 'don't save my data.' While the kids are busy filing paperwork faster than a paralegal on espresso, Angelina is reportedly floating three inches off the ground in a state of pure, unbothered grace. We haven't seen this much tactical rebranding since companies started putting 'Plant-Based' on boxes of salt. If Angie gets any more zen about the family tree losing its branches, she might actually turn into a literal lotus flower. It’s hard to stay mad when you’ve got a wardrobe full of beige silk and a level of tranquility that probably makes her household feel like a very expensive spa where the only thing on the menu is ‘Moving On’ juice.