Anne Hathaway Declares Loafers the Final Solution to Hollywood Sidewalk Crisis

It is officially the end of an era for the stiletto. Anne Hathaway and Jane Fonda have been spotted prowling the streets in sensible loafers, signaling to the world that they have finally finished their forty-year war against gravity. Sources say the decision was made after Anne realized that walking on four-inch needles is actually a medieval torture tactic cleverly rebranded by French designers. Now, she is embracing the 'retired billionaire librarian' aesthetic, and frankly, we are terrified of her power. Jane Fonda, a woman who has survived more fitness trends than most of us have had hot meals, is reportedly leading the flat-shoe revolution from the front lines. Rumor has it the duo plans to start a secret society where the only membership requirement is the ability to walk three blocks without sobbing. Get the look for $38, or just steal a pair from your grandfather’s closet while he is napping. These shoes are perfect for fleeing the paparazzi or simply standing in a kitchen eating cheese at 2:00 AM. It’s not just a trend; it is a declaration of orthopedic independence.