Anne Hathaway Replaces Biological Children With Tom Holland After One Short Work Trip

It’s over for Anne Hathaway’s actual toddlers. After playing Tom Holland’s mom for five minutes, Anne has looked into the eyes of her own offspring and realized they simply don’t have the range. While her real kids are busy eating paste and forgetting their lines during nap time, Tom is out here doing backflips and being the most polite boy in Britain. Anne basically admitted that Tom is the gold standard for human development. She’s reportedly looking into a trade-in program where she can swap her current nursery residents for one (1) seasoned Marvel actor who already knows how to handle a press junket. Sources say she’s tired of cleaning up mashed peas when she could be managing the career of a global superstar who actually says 'thank you' after a meal. Rumor has it she’s already started dressing her toddlers in spandex unitards and teaching them to jump off the sofa to see if they can develop some 'Holland energy.' If they can't stick a landing by Monday, they’re being sent to a lovely foster home in the suburbs while Tom gets the master bedroom. It’s not personal, sweeties, it’s just that your mom needs a son who can defeat Thanos.