Anne Hathaway Surrenders to the Devil by Wearing High-Heel Thong Sandals

The high high-fashion gods have finally abandoned us, and Anne Hathaway is leading the retreat. Our favorite Princess of Genovia was spotted sporting flip-flop heels, a shoe hybrid so confusing it makes a labradoodle look like a purebred. It’s the kind of footwear that says, 'I have a yacht party at 6:00 but a podiatry appointment at 6:15.' Not to be outdone in the race to the bottom of the closet, Jessica Alba and Hailey Bieber have also been seen strapped into these precarious thongs. Look, we all love a good leg-elongating moment, but at what cost? These shoes are held together by a single piece of dental floss and a dream. One wrong step near a sidewalk grate and we’re looking at a global celebrity ankle crisis of epic proportions. While the fashion elite calls this look 'delicate' and 'minimalist,' we’re calling it what it is: a cry for help from people who haven't had to walk more than ten feet to a waiting SUV in a decade. If your big toe has to do that much heavy lifting just to keep you upright, is it even fashion anymore? Or is it just physical therapy with a designer logo? Expect to see the rest of Hollywood following suit until everyone is hobbling around looking like they’ve had their feet stuck in fancy slings. We’re just waiting for the first star to pair these with socks so we can finally close the book on Western civilization once and for all.