Billie Lourd Resorts to Hostage Negotiations to Make Kids Watch Grandma's Movies

It’s a dark day for the Cromwell family dynasty. Billie Lourd has revealed that her kids aren't exactly lining up at the box office for a Halloweentown marathon. Apparently, having Hollywood royalty for a grandmother isn't enough to compete with a talking dog on YouTube, and Billie is currently stuck in high-stakes negotiations involving fruit snacks and extra iPad time. Debbie Reynolds famously took the role of everyone's favorite broom-riding grandma just to please a young Billie. Now, the cycle of generational trauma continues as Billie literally has to pay her own toddlers to sit through a cinematic masterpiece. We’re talking full-blown bribes. If you don't watch the giant pumpkin scene, you don't get the dinosaur nuggets. It’s brutal out here in the suburbs. Imagine being a ghost or a ghoul and being told by a three-year-old that your special effects are 'mid.' Billie is out here fighting for the honor of the Disney Channel Original Movie canon while her children probably just want to watch a video of a middle-aged man unboxing plastic eggs. The disrespect is palpable. Insiders suggest Billie might level up the bribery to include actual cash or a pony by next October. If the kids don't fold soon, she might have to resort to the ultimate parental threat: making them watch a three-hour documentary on the history of jazz hands instead.