Billionaire Taylor Swift Refuses to Lift Feet While Walking in $36 Clodhoppers

It’s over for the stiletto. Taylor Swift, Jennifer Lopez, and Katie Holmes have collectively decided that if your footwear doesn't make you look like a Victorian schoolboy or a very wealthy grandfather, you aren't doing it right. The trio is currently leading the 'Clunky Loafer Insurgency,' and honestly, our arches have never been more confused. Insiders say Taylor is so committed to the look that she’s currently practicing a new dance move called 'The Heavy Sole Shuffle,' which involves dragging her feet across the stage like she’s trying to sand down the floorboards. Meanwhile, J.Lo has allegedly requested that her loafers be reinforced with enough structural integrity to survive a small volcanic eruption, or at least a trip to the grocery store for organic kale. Katie Holmes, the undisputed queen of looking like she just rolled out of a very chic haystack, is taking the trend to the extreme. She was spotted wearing loafers so flat and sensible that three nearby accountants instinctively handed her their tax returns. If you aren't wearing shoes that look like they belong to a man named Eustace who enjoys whittling, are you even a style icon?