Blake Shelton Forced to Wear Rhinestone Chaps as Gwen Stefani Wins Marriage Choreography

Listen, we all knew when Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton tied the knot it was going to be a clash of 'Hollaback Girl' energy and 'I own a tractor' vibes. But word on the street is that Gwen has officially taken over the household aesthetic, and Blake is currently drowning in a sea of checkerboard print and safety pins. Sources say he hasn't seen a piece of camouflage in three weeks. Apparently, the couple has a 'Wedding Anniversary Challenge' where the loser has to adopt the other's entire personality for a month. Blake lost a game of darts—which is embarrassing for a guy who literally lives in a bar—and now he’s out in the Oklahoma woods trying to contour his cheekbones with expensive designer bronzer. Meanwhile, Scott Van Pelt was spotted at the Sports Emmys looking suspiciously like he was dodging a wedding invitation from someone he hadn't spoken to since 2004. It’s a jungle out there in the 'I Do' circuit, and if you aren't careful, you'll end up like Blake: forced to harmonize on ska covers while wearing custom-fit glittery overalls. Honestly, if they don't release a line of punk-rock cowboy boots by Christmas, what was this all even for? Stay tuned as we monitor Blake’s transition from 'Country King' to 'No Doubt's Newest Roadie.'