Romance · Friday, October 16, 2026

Caspian No More: Ben Barnes Ditches Magical Wardrobe for Matching Oregon Raincoats

The Narnia hunk has officially retired from the bachelor market to start a new life involving fewer swords and more laundry.

A caricature of Ben Barnes at his wedding, illustrating the headline Caspian No More: Ben Barnes Ditches Magical Wardrobe for Matching Oregon Raincoats.
Prince Caspian has officially traded in his silver sword for a wedding band and a lifetime supply of American Idol voting credits. Ben Barnes, the man who single-handedly kept the velvet vest industry afloat during the mid-2000s, has finally settled down with Aubrey Cleland in a ceremony so private it makes the back of a Narnia closet look like Times Square. Word on the street is that the couple chose Oregon for their nuptials because it's the only place where the moody, perpetual drizzle matches Ben's smoldering gaze. Guests were reportedly instructed to leave their talking lions at the door, though we hear several bridesmaids were disappointed when they realized the wedding cake wasn't filled with Turkish Delight. Now that Aubrey has secured the man who out-cheekboned every other fantasy lead, the real work begins. She has the monumental task of convincing Ben that he doesn't need to ride a horse to the grocery store or speak in a vaguely European accent when ordering a latte. It's a tough job, but someone has to keep our favorite immortal teenager grounded in the 21st century.
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