Celtics Star Payton Pritchard Drafts Fetal Guard for 2043 NBA Season Training Camp

It hasn't even been six months since Payton Pritchard and his wife Emma said 'I do' at their fancy coastal wedding, and now they've already gone and signed a third player to the roster. The couple announced they are expecting their first child, which is honestly just a PR move for the Pritchard household to finally have enough height to reach the top shelf of the pantry. Insiders suggest that the nursery is being outfitted with a regulation-sized hardwood floor and a crib that features a glass backboard instead of a mobile. It's unclear if the baby has already signed a rookie scale contract, but rumor has it Payton is already teaching the ultrasound grainy footage how to properly execute a pick-and-roll. Emma is reportedly taking the MVP lead on this project, while Payton is mostly just relieved there's finally a teammate in the house who won't hog the Gatorade. While most parents buy a stroller, these two are looking for one with high-performance traction and aerodynamics suitable for a fast break.