Chain-Smoking Indie Bro Finally Settles Down With Woman Who Owns A Hairbrush

It’s official: Matty Healy has finally retired from being every girl’s favorite bad decision to become one woman’s permanent household hazard. The 1975 frontman has officially hitched his chaotic wagon to Gabbriette Bechtel, proving once and for all that if you pose with enough moody pouts and blurry polaroids, a Victoria’s Secret model might actually agree to share a bathroom with your collection of vintage ashtrays. Insiders claim the ceremony was lovely, though guests were initially confused when the groom tried to perform a three-hour existential monologue instead of saying "I do." Matty reportedly insisted that the wedding cake be flavored like expensive gin and missed opportunities, while the floral arrangements were replaced by stacks of obscure 70s poetry books that nobody is actually allowed to touch. Now that he’s a husband, fans are worried Matty might start doing terrifying things like drinking green juice or wearing socks that match. However, sources close to the couple say not to worry—he’s already planning to spend the honeymoon explaining the complex cinematic history of 16mm film to his new wife while she tries to take a nap. We wish the happy couple a long life of high-fashion brooding. Hopefully, Gabbriette has already signed a prenup that guarantees him at least forty-five minutes of uninterrupted stage-wailing per day. Truly a match made in hipster heaven.