Colin Jost Spends Anniversary Studying Phonetics Just to Say Wife’s Name Correctly

Look, we all knew Colin Jost outkicked his coverage, but apparently, he’s been living in a silent house of linguistic terror for years. He finally admitted that he has to think really, really hard before addressing Scarlett Johansson at the dinner table. Rumor has it he’s been calling her 'Hey You' or 'Ma'am' since 2020 just to avoid a national scandal. He basically went on a deep-dive explanation of the surname, which is great for him, but we’re pretty sure ScarJo is just happy if he remembers to take the trash out. It’s a classic Harvard man move to turn a simple 'honey, I'm home' into a multi-part lecture on Scandinavian dialects. Honestly, if he can survive a Weekend Update with Michael Che, you’d think he could handle a few extra consonants. Palace insiders—or just the guy who sells them overpriced kale—say Colin has been practicing in the mirror for three hours a day. He’s aiming for that perfect blend of 'I’m an international movie star's husband' and 'I definitely didn't just mess up the vowels.' If he gets it wrong one more time, Scarlett might just make him change his last name to 'Johansson-Guest' out of pure spite.