Dakota Johnson Declares War On Toes By Wearing Cork Shoes To Lunch

Dakota Johnson has officially abandoned the concept of glamour in favor of looking like a very chic kindergarten teacher who just discovered essential oils. The actress was spotted wearing Birkenstocks, a move that fashion insiders are calling 'the ultimate cry for help from a woman who has simply had enough of heels.' She’s joined the ranks of the Orthopedic Posse alongside Jessica Alba and Gwyneth Paltrow, proving that if you’re rich enough, you can make a German nurse’s uniform look like a statement. Honestly, I love this for her. While we’re all out here trying to squeeze our toes into pointed boots that resemble medieval torture devices, Dakota is strolling around in shoes that have the structural integrity of a corkboard. It’s a bold choice to tell the world, 'Yes, my feet are flat, and yes, I would like them to be cradled by sustainable bark.' Word on the street is that these sandals are so comfortable they actually make you forget you’re famous. One minute you’re a Hollywood A-lister, the next you’re at a farmers market arguing over the price of organic kale and wondering if you have enough hemp twine at home. If this is what happens when you stop caring about foot height, then sign me up for the nearest pair of double-strap sandals and a lifetime supply of toe-socks.