Elle King Finds Her Inner Glow By Answering Questions Specifically Designed For Idiots

Elle King has finally cracked the code to mental wellness, and it doesn't involve green juice or crystals. Instead, she’s decided that being publicly branded as a total dimwit on national television is the only way to truly find oneself. Move over, Goop; the new vibe is 'absolute brain-fog chic.' During her stint on the reality show, Elle reportedly felt a spiritual awakening each time she failed to identify a basic shapes or forgotten what a verb was. It turns out that when you stop trying to remember where you parked your car or how a mortgage works, your third eye just flops right open. It’s like a spa day for your neurons, except the spa is on fire and the robe is made of polyester. Friends say Elle is leaning into her new 'empty-headed' era with the passion of a woman who just realized gravity is optional. She’s reportedly replaced her daily planner with a coloring book and is currently negotiating a deal to become the face of 'Safety Scissors.' If this is what being healed looks like, sign us up for the next lobotomy-lite competition.