Emmy Rossum Saves Thousands in Therapy Fees by Teaching Toddlers to Befriend Themselves

Hollywood is usually about who you know, but Emmy Rossum is making sure her kids only know the person they see in the mirror. In a move that has local kindergarteners questioning their social status, Emmy revealed she’s teaching her two little ones to be their own best friends. Basically, if you can’t have lunch with yourself, you aren’t invited to the cool table. Insiders say the children have already started sending themselves birthday party invitations and getting into heated arguments with their own reflections about who gets the last juice box. It’s the ultimate life hack: you never have to worry about a friend stealing your crayons if your friend is literally your own left hand. Emmy is basically building a tiny army of independent legends who don't need anyone's approval but their own. While other Hollywood parents are busy hiring professional playdate coordinators and organic snack consultants, Emmy is playing the long game. She’s giving her kids the gift of never having to endure a boring sleepover ever again. Why listen to a classmate snore when you can just hang out with your inner monologue? It's genius, really. Next week, she'll probably teach them how to give themselves their own allowance.