Emmys Beg Dancing With The Stars To Return After Running Out Of Sequins

It’s about time someone injected some fermented grape juice energy back into those stuffy award shows! After being ignored for years, DWTS is finally back in the Emmy mix, mostly because the Academy realized that watching serious actors cry about their craft is nowhere near as fun as watching a Savannah Banana try to do a split. Our girl Ciara Miller is jumping from the Summer House to the ballroom, and honestly, we’re worried about the floorboards. She’s used to dodging flying wine glasses, so dodging a spray-tan-misted foot from a Traitors contestant like Maura Higgins should be a total breeze. If there isn't at least one screaming match over who gets the neon pink fringe, I’m demanding a refund on my cable bill. Let’s be real: the Emmys only invited them back because they missed the smell of industrial-strength hairspray and desperation. Rumor has it the trophy itself is getting a bedazzled makeover just to welcome the show back. If these celebs don't bring the drama, we'll have to rely on the judges’ scorecards, and nobody has time for math on a Tuesday night.