Eva Longoria Seen Wearing Dress So Chic it Caused a Global Fabric Shortage

It happens every week like clockwork. A bunch of famous people get dressed in outfits that cost more than my first three cars combined, and we are all expected to just sit here and breathe normally. Eva Longoria stepped out looking so sharp she’s legally classified as a concealed weapon in forty-eight states. Honestly, the level of glam is getting dangerous at this point. Not to be outdone, Reese Witherspoon showed up looking like she’s never even heard of the concept of a ‘laundry day.’ Rumor has it her glow is actually powered by a small nuclear reactor hidden in her clutch. Meanwhile, Jada Pinkett Smith is out here proving that some people are simply born with better bone structure than the rest of us mere mortals. It’s rude, frankly. Experts—by which I mean my cousin who owns a glue gun—say the sheer amount of high-end fabric utilized this week has left the rest of the world nothing to wear but burlap sacks. If you see me at the grocery store wearing a literal curtain tomorrow, you can thank these three for making style look this effortless. They’ve officially peaked, and the rest of us are just living in their glittery shadow.