Goth Is the New Glitzy as Celebs Trade Veils for Void-Colored Velour

Gone are the days when you had to look like a giant marshmallow to say your vows. Jillian Michaels and a handful of other bridal rebels have officially decided that the only color appropriate for eternal commitment is the shade of a burnt steak or a soul-sucking black hole. Honestly, it is a mood. Why wear white and risk a stray salsa drip when you can wear black and blend into the shadows if the groom starts boring you during the reception? Jillian Michaels really leaned into the 'I am tough enough to marry the darkness' aesthetic, proving that you do not need lace or tulle to intimidate your guests. It is less 'here comes the bride' and more 'here comes the boss of your nightmares.' I am obsessed. It is practical, really—you can go straight from the altar to a secret underground poetry slam or a heist without even changing your outfit. Experts (me) say this trend is perfect for celebrities who want to make sure everyone knows they are edgy, deep, and probably own a lot of expensive candles. If your wedding dress does not make you look like you are about to cast a hex on a rival, are you even actually married? Expect the next big thing to be neon orange veils for high-visibility elopements.