Gymnast Shawn Johnson Stunned as Husband Tries to Win Gold in Postpartum Sleeping

Olympic legend Shawn Johnson is used to sticking the landing, but she wasn’t prepared for husband Andrew East to stick his head directly into a pillow for eighteen hours straight. While Shawn was busy recovering from the miracle of childbirth, Andrew decided it was the perfect time to explore the farthest reaches of REM cycle territory. Apparently, Andrew’s ‘crazy’ decision involved forgetting that newborns don’t actually come with a ‘mute’ button or a personal assistant. While Shawn was navigating the wild world of diapers and recovery, Andrew was reportedly treating the nursery like a luxury spa retreat, minus the cucumber water and with a lot more snoring. Shawn handled the situation with the grace of a balance beam routine, even if she probably wanted to vault him out the window. It turns out that being an elite athlete doesn’t protect you from a husband who thinks ‘supporting his wife’ means testing out the structural integrity of the living room sofa. Friends say Andrew is lucky he didn’t get a point deduction for his performance. Next time, he might want to trade the eye mask for a bottle dryer if he wants to stay on the podium.