Harry Styles to Walk Down Aisle Wearing Gown Made of Cat Hair

Hold onto your knitted beanies, because the ultimate hipster convergence is finally happening. Harry Styles and Zoë Kravitz have reportedly stopped staring at their own reflections long enough to plan a wedding, and the vibes are so aesthetic it physically hurts. My sources tell me the ring isn't even a diamond; it’s a vintage button found in a Parisian gutter that signifies their mutual love for things that don't make sense. Harry is apparently taking the 'blushing bride' role very seriously. He’s been seen scouting locations that specifically have 'haunted botanical garden' energy, mostly because he wants to make sure his lace veil doesn't snag on any non-organic thorns. Zoë is lean-machine cool about it, mostly just making sure the guest list is restricted to people who own at least one pair of $900 loafers and have never seen a carb in their lives. The real drama is the dress—or lack thereof. Word is Harry wants to wear a floor-length gown crafted entirely from the shed fur of artisanal Brooklyn street cats. He thinks it's a statement on sustainability, but Zoë is mostly worried about the reception smelling like a litter box. Either way, expect the first dance to be a moody, sixteen-minute interpretive shuffle to the sound of a teapot whistling. They haven't picked a date yet because they’re waiting for the moon to be in the exact position of a crescent roll, but the mood is high. It’s a match made in heaven—or at least in a very expensive thrift store basement.