J.Lo Celebrates Birthday By Reminding Everyone She Has Never Once Failed At Anything

Jennifer Lopez just hit the big 5-7, and she celebrated by hopping on the Gram to give us all a giant dose of 'Perseverance'—which is mostly just celebrity code for being richer and more hydrated than the rest of us. While normal people celebrate birthdays by eating a grocery store sheet cake in their pajamas, Jen spent hers touring Europe like a conquering Roman general who only wears white linen. Her big message was all about pushing through the hard times, which I assume refers to that one time she had to fly commercial or when a yacht didn't have the specific brand of alkaline water she requires to maintain her glow. She told her fans to keep going, even if they aren't currently on a six-week Mediterranean gala tour with a personal lighting crew. Honestly, the level of delulu is almost impressive. She looks so good that I’m convinced she’s not actually aging; she’s just leveling up to a new version of human that doesn't experience gravity or taxes. Happy birthday, Jen! Thanks for reminding us that if we just work hard enough, we too can look like a literal diamond at nearly sixty.