Jennifer Garner Claims Only A Decades-Old Blood Pact Made Kissing Timothy Olyphant Tolerable

Jennifer Garner is finally coming clean about the grueling labor of having to lock lips with Timothy Olyphant. Apparently, the only way she survived the ordeal of being paid millions to stand near his jawline was thanks to a friendship that dates back to the era of flip phones and low-rise jeans. It’s a tough job, but someone has to pretend to like a handsome silver fox for the cameras. Jen basically implied that without their 'decades-long bond,' she might have just walked off set and started a farm. Instead, she leaned into the shared history of two people who have seen each other through every questionable hairstyle Hollywood has offered since 2006. She says the chemistry is 'easy,' which is celebrity-speak for 'we have enough dirt on each other to ensure total cooperation.' Word on the street is that they don't even need scripts anymore; they just communicate through eyebrow raises and telepathic memories of 13 Going on 30. It’s less of a professional working relationship and more of a two-person witness protection program where the only requirement is looking great in a sunset filter. Honestly, if my long-term friendship doesn't result in a high-budget TV romance, I’m filing a formal complaint.