Jennifer Garner Reveals Paparazzi Tackled Her Toddlers Like Blindside Linebackers for Ben Photos

Jennifer Garner is spilling the organic, non-GMO tea on the early 2000s, and apparently, it was less ‘Alias’ and more ‘American Gladiators’ in her driveway. Jen says the paps were so desperate to snap Ben Affleck looking moody that they basically treated her kids like human bowling pins. Apparently, being a celebrity offspring means you need a mouthguard and a solid insurance policy before heading to the sandbox. Technically, Jen didn't say the photographers were doing somersaults and ninja kicks, but we all know the vibe. Imagine trying to get your kid to daycare while thirty guys with telephoto lenses are playing Red Rover with your shins. It’s hard to focus on co-parenting when you’re worried about a tripod taking out your toddler’s front teeth. Ben probably just leaned against a wall and smoked a cigarette while this was happening, which only makes the lighting better and the photographers angrier. It’s a miracle the kids didn’t grow up to be professional dodgeball players given the constant athletic training they received just trying to reach the minivan. Now that the kids are older, they’ve probably mastered the art of the tactical roll. Honestly, Jen should get a medal for keeping her cool, because if a man in a bucket hat tackled my kid for a grainy photo of my ex, I’d be checking to see if my karate training from the TV show actually worked in real life.