Jennifer Garner Sapped of All Millionaire Energy by Dangerous Ten Dollar Amazon Blouse

It’s over for the high-life. Jennifer Garner was spotted wearing a short-sleeve button-up so affordable it practically comes with a free side of suburban existential dread. Fans are terrified that the actress, usually known for being wholesome but rich, is transitioning into a woman who gets excited about coupons and 'sensible' beige curtains. Experts in celebrity chemistry say wearing a ten-dollar top is a gateway drug to extreme thrifting. One minute you’re rocking a breathable Amazon synthetic blend, and the next you’re standing in line at a craft store arguing about whether or not a glue gun is on sale. We haven't seen a wardrobe-induced personality crisis this severe since Ben wore that one flannel shirt for three years straight. The blouse in question comes in 18 colors, which is exactly 17 more colors than a Hollywood star needs before they stop caring about caviar and start caring about the price of eggs per dozen. Sources say Jen felt 'breezy,' but onlookers describe the vibe as 'ready to organize a very intense PTA bake sale.' If Jen starts wearing sensible Velcro sandals and carrying a reusable tote bag full of generic-brand snacks, we’ll know the transformation is complete. Stay safe out there, people. Luxury is a choice, but a ten-dollar blouse is a lifestyle sentence.