Justene Alpert Banned From Baby Shower After Bringing Only ‘Good Vibes’ Instead Of Diapers

Word on the street is that Justene Alpert is leaning so hard into her 'zen era' that she’s forgotten how a basic registry works. Sources—okay, the lady fuming by the punch bowl—say Justene showed up to a high-stakes Hollywood baby shower with nothing but a crystal and a promise to 'manifest a sleep schedule' for the newborn. Apparently, a bundle of sage doesn't quite have the same retail value as a gold-plated crib. Justene allegedly spent most of the afternoon explaining to a group of confused socialites that physical gifts are 'so 2023' and that she’s focusing on providing the fetus with 'premium aura upgrades' instead. It’s a bold move, considering most of us just want a pack of wet wipes or a bottle of wine to survive the toddler years. The hostess was reportedly seen pointing Justene toward the exit when she tried to pay for a mimosa with a high-five. Now, the neighborhood WhatsApp group is on fire. Half the moms are ready to stage an intervention, and the other half are wondering if Justene’s 'good vibes' can actually pay for a preschool tuition. If you’re planning on inviting her to your next bash, you might want to specify that her presence is requested, but her presents need to be from an actual store.