Kathy Bates Demands Oscar for Every Single Time She Parallel Parked Successfully

Listen, we all know Kathy Bates has basically every award ever invented, but apparently, the trophy shelf is looking a little dusty and 'mid' these days. Sources say the Hollywood icon is tired of only getting gold statues for acting. She wants recognition for the real-world stunts, like that time she navigated a suburban grocery store parking lot on a Saturday afternoon without losing her cool. Word on the street is that Kathy is preparing a highlight reel of her life in photos, but instead of red carpet looks, it’s just her looking absolutely lethal in a visor while successfully folding a fitted sheet. If that doesn't scream 'Best Performance by a Living Legend in a Domestic Setting,' I don't know what does. She’s reportedly already drafted an acceptance speech for 'Most Improved at Using a QR Code Menu.' Honestly? Give her the EGOT for just existing. If Kathy wants an Oscar for expertly navigating a roundabout, we should all be standing in the wings with the velvet cushion ready and waiting.