Katie Holmes Finally Dates Local Man Who Only Owns Paint-Stained Turtle Necks

Spotted: Our favorite professional New York walker, Katie Holmes, has officially traded in the A-list drama for a man who probably knows the difference between eggshell and ecru. She was seen beaming in Manhattan with Jason Bard Yarmosky, an artist who looks like he’s never seen a red carpet but has definitely spent forty hours straight staring at a slab of marble. Katie, wearing what can only be described as 'I’m dating a creative now so I’m wearing three different types of linen,' looked genuinely ecstatic. Friends say she’s thrilled to finally be with someone who doesn’t ask for her autograph or demand she join a space-themed club. Instead, they just spend their time discussing lighting and why NYC smells like hot garbage and expensive dreams. While we don't know if Jason has started his fifteen-foot oil painting of Katie's iconic jawline yet, experts suggest it’s only a matter of time. The two were seen strolling the streets with the kind of smug, quiet joy only shared by people who have recently discovered a hole-in-the-wall dumpling spot that doesn't take reservations.