Lisa Vanderpump Files for Joint Custody of Entire Local Zoo Population

It’s not enough to have a few dogs; Lisa is basically running a Noah’s Ark situation but with significantly more sequins and pink lighting. Word on the street is that she’s currently up to a double-digit menagerie that includes everything from micro-pigs to birds that probably know more secrets about the 'Vanderpump Rules' cast than Andy Cohen does. Friends are worried the pets are starting to form a union. Apparently, the swans have already requested a pay raise in the form of artisanal breadcrumbs, and the ponies are refusing to walk on anything less than five-hundred-thread-count Egyptian cotton. If you see a llama wearing a diamond-encrusted collar in West Hollywood, don't call animal control—just ask it for a table for four at Pump. Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgwick are also in on the farm-to-table lifestyle, but Lisa is taking it to a level that requires a zoning permit and a full-time aesthetician for her goats. At this rate, by 2025, she won't even have room for human guests, which is fine because the turtles are much better conversationalists and never leak stories to the press.