Local Novelist Manifests Anya Taylor-Joy Using Only Cheap Incense and Desperation

We’ve all tried to manifest things. Usually, it’s a tax refund or a text back from a guy who wears flip-flops in winter. But Marissa Stapley has officially put us all to shame by manifesting Anya Taylor-Joy into her new project. Apparently, the author just stared at a blank Word document and a picture of Anya’s iconic bone structure until the universe folded like a cheap lawn chair. Stapley claims she had the Queen’s Gambit star in mind the entire time she was writing. Honestly, that’s just a smart business move. Why bother describing eyes or hair when you can just write 'Looked like that girl who is really good at chess' and hope for the best? It’s basically the literary equivalent of ordering a pizza and finding out the delivery driver is a supermodel. Now that the manifestation worked, Anya is set to bring the character to life on Apple TV+. We’re hearing rumors that Stapley is currently staring at a vision board featuring a private island and a fountain that pours chilled rosé. If the manifesting juice is this strong, expect a global shortage of Anya-lookalikes by Tuesday. Word of advice for the rest of us: if you want a celebrity to show up in your life, stop making vision boards of Chris Hemsworth and start writing a best-selling novel. It seems much easier than actually going to the gym or having a personality.