Loose Change Traumatized Jason Bateman After It Clinged To Him On The Prairie

Jason Bateman is finally coming clean about his deepest, darkest secret: he and his bank account are in a toxic situation-ship. Our favorite sarcastic king recently admitted that being a breadwinner on Little House on the Prairie was basically a fiscal nightmare. Apparently, when you’re a child star, you don’t just play with toys; you play with the crushing weight of interest rates and overhead costs while trying to remember lines about hay and butter churns. Imagine being ten years old and having to worry about capital gains instead of whether or not you can trade your fruit leather for a pudding cup. Jason basically spent his youth in a pioneer outfit wondering if the general store accepted credit or if he’d have to barter his soul for a sarsaparilla. It’s no wonder he ended up playing a guy who launders money—he’s just working through the childhood trauma of having too many quarters in his overalls. Now, he’s out here navigating the complex emotions of being rich, which sounds like the kind of problem I’d love to have, but for Jason, it’s a whole internal drama. He’s essentially the face of 'Mo’ Money, Mo’ Suspenders.' May we all one day have a relationship with our cash that is so complicated it requires a feature-length interview and a therapist who specializes in high-yield savings accounts.