Mötley Crüe Spawn Weds Interior Designer In Attempt To Finally Organize Drum Kit

It’s happened. Dylan Jagger Lee, the son of Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee, has officially retired from the bachelor life in Saint-Tropez. But don't expect a leather-clad riot or a ceremony held on a moving speedboat—the kid actually went and married an interior designer named Paula Bruss. We haven't seen this much class in a Lee family photo since Pam wore that giant pink hat to the 1999 VMAs. Insiders say the union is primarily a move to help Dylan navigate the architectural trauma of growing up in houses where the furniture was mostly made of chrome and leopard print. Sources—okay, my own brain—assume Paula’s first order of business was to look at Dylan’s drum kit and tell him it ‘doesn’t breathe’ in the corner of the living room. Pamela was reportedly spotted looking like a literal goddess, probably contemplating how to turn her son’s wedding into a vegan lifestyle documentary. Meanwhile, the ghost of 90s rock-and-roll is weeping into a bottle of Jack Daniel's knowing that another generation has been swayed by the siren call of throw pillows and mid-century modern credenzas. We wish the happy couple a long life of luxury, but let’s be real: if Dylan brings home a strobe light or a tattoo parlor sign for the foyer, this marriage is going to need more than just a fresh coat of eggshell white to survive the night.