Madonna Slings Phone Around Neck to Prevent Dropping Common Sense in Public

Madonna, the woman who once taught us how to strike a pose, has now decided that holding a mobile device with actual human fingers is simply too much labor for a living legend. Our favorite pop pioneer has been spotted rocking a crossbody phone case, effectively turning her expensive smartphone into a high-tech bib. Apparently, when you're busy reinventing the universe every Tuesday, you can’t be bothered with the tactile responsibility of a pocket. Not to be outdone in the 'I’m too busy gardening to hold a screen' department, Martha Stewart has also joined the tethered-tech movement. While Madonna is probably using hers to coordinate world tours and youth serums, Martha is likely using the hands-free freedom to flip the bird at a batch of subpar muffins while simultaneously taking a selfie. It’s a bold look that screams, 'I am one stumble away from a cracked screen and I have no insurance.' These cases start at a measly nine bucks, which is basically what Cindy Crawford spends on a single ice cube. It’s the ultimate accessory for the star who wants to look like a stylish security guard at a mid-tier shopping mall. Whether you're dodging paparazzi or just trying not to drop your phone into a vat of artisanal jam like Martha, the message is clear: if it isn't strapped to your chest, it isn't fashion.