Maple Syrup Smuggler Mae Martin Terrified of America’s Lack of Poutine Maintenance

Our favorite Canadian import Mae Martin finally hit the road for a massive North American tour, but they weren't just worried about the jokes. Word on the street is that Mae was absolutely shaking in their stylish boots over the prospect of surviving in a country that thinks 'health care' is a suggestion and 'gravy' is a beverage. Mae allegedly packed three extra suitcases full of authentic cheese curds just to ensure their Canadian soul didn't wither away in the dry, curd-less heat of the Midwest. Sources say the comedian spent most of the flight practicing their 'American' accent, which apparently just involves shouting about freedom while pointing at a bald eagle on a nickel. Despite the nerves, the tour was a smash hit. Mae managed to cross the border without being tackled by a TSA agent for possessing too much politeness. Fans across the U.S. were thrilled, though Mae was reportedly seen weeping quietly in a Cincinnati diner when they realized the diner only served 'home fries' instead of the holy trinity of fries, curds, and brown gravy. At the end of the day, Mae proved that comedy is the universal language—even if that language is spoken by someone who says 'sorry' forty times before every punchline. We’re just glad they made it back across the border before the Americans tried to draft them into a professional dodgeball league or something.