Meghan Markle Invents Ankle Exposure to Battle the Global Heat Crisis

Move over, Marie Curie, because Meghan Markle just had a scientific breakthrough that’s going to change the trajectory of the human race. While the rest of us were out here wearing pants that actually touch our shoes like absolute peasants, Meghan stepped out in cropped jeans, effectively introducing the concept of air circulation to the general public. Experts—by which I mean my cousin who owns a pair of scissors—are calling this the 'Smart Summer' revolution. Apparently, by exposing approximately four percent more of her lower limb, Meghan has managed to lower her body temperature and her carbon footprint simultaneously. It’s not just a look; it’s a lifestyle choice for people who are too busy being royal to deal with pesky fabric near their heels. Fans are already rushing to their closets to butcher their own denim in hopes of achieving this level of intellectual fashion. If you see a woman in the grocery store with unevenly hacked-off trousers tripping over a trench coat, she isn't having a breakdown, she's just practicing the Sussex Method. Next week, we expect the Duchess to invent the 'Short Sleeve,' a radical new way to let your elbows breathe.