Michael J. Fox’s Marriage Sets Guinness Record for Most Instagram Hearts Ever Generated

It’s been 38 years since Michael J. Fox and Tracy Pollan officially locked it down, and honestly, they’re making the rest of us look like absolute amateurs. While most of us can’t maintain a relationship with a sourdough starter for more than three days, these two are posting mushy Instagram tributes that are so sweet they’ve been classified as a controlled substance in several health-conscious states. Hollywood insiders are whispering that the couple’s longevity is actually fueled by a secret pact involving high-stakes Scrabble and an refusal to ever discuss who left the cap off the toothpaste. Their anniversary posts were so sugary-sweet that locals reported a sudden, unexplained spike in the regional maple syrup supply. Tracy’s caption was a vibe, and Michael’s response basically won the internet, leaving every other celebrity couple crying into their green juices. Experts suggest that if they hit 40 years, the pure wholesome energy emitted from their joint selfies could power a medium-sized Tesla factory. For now, we’re all just refreshing our feeds and feeling slightly worse about our own dating apps. Move over, Romeo and Juliet; there’s a new standard for 'forever,' and it involves much better hair and significantly less drama.