Middle-Aged Celebrities Are Literally Exploding From Too Much Happiness This Week

Is it just us, or is the air in Hollywood currently 40% sparkle and 60% desperation? This week’s roundup of 'best-ofs' has proven that celebrities have completely lost the ability to do anything in moderation. We’ve got engagements that require a literal telescope to see the diamond and breakups so polite they’re actually aggressive. It’s a lot to process while eating leftover pizza in sweatpants. Take the royals, for instance. They are out here 'styling' like their lives depend on it, which is hilarious because we all know they just wear what the person with the white gloves tells them to wear. If one more toddler prince wears knee high socks, the internet might actually fold in on itself. It’s fashion, darling, look it up—or don’t, because it’s mostly just beige. And don’t even get us started on the baby news. Every time a star announces a pregnancy, a literal angel gets its wings and a PR agent gets a new Tesla. The superlatives are getting out of hand. 'Most Likely to Have a Nursery Made of Solid Quartz'? Probably. We’re just waiting for the first celebrity to name their child after a specific shade of Farrow & Ball paint. Basically, the stars are doing exactly what they’re paid for: making us feel slightly better about our own chaotic lives by being ten times more dramatic. Whether it’s a 'Whoopsie' on the red carpet or a multi-million dollar 'I Do,' we’re just here for the mess. Stay thirsty, friends.