Miley Cyrus Confirms New Album Is Basically a Musical Restraining Order Against Her Ex

Miley Cyrus is at it again, folks. Our favorite backyard-concert-queen-turned-global-superstar is cooking up a new album that she describes as a 'reflection' of her life. Translated from Pop Star Gossip into Human Language, that means we are about to get forty-five minutes of absolute fire aimed directly at every man who ever dared to forget her birthday or leave a wet towel on the bathroom floor. Miley says the vibe is a 'love story,' but don't expect any boring ballads about holding hands in the park. We’re hearing whispers that the tracklist includes songs that are essentially audio receipts of her life. If you thought 'Flowers' was a bop, wait until you hear the track rumored to be titled 'I Can Buy My Own Private Island and Hide Your Car Keys.' It’s all about growth, healing, and having a really, really expensive haircut. She’s clearly in her 'I’m iconic and you’re just a guy' era, and honestly? We are living for it. Miley is the only person who can turn a messy breakup into a Grammy-winning aesthetic that makes the rest of us want to go out and buy a gold power suit we can't afford. Grab your popcorn and your tissues, because this love story is probably going to be the most stylish revenge ever recorded.