Nicolas Cage Buys Haunted Pyramid to Keep His Collection of Ghostly Souffles Safe

Nic Cage is back at it again, and by 'it,' I mean spending money like he’s trying to win a bet against a haunted slot machine. Our favorite eccentric king has bypassed the standard Malibu mansion for something a little more 'Pharaoh-chic.' While normal stars are out here buying infinity pools, Nic has secured a literal pyramid, presumably because he ran out of room in his normal houses for all those dinosaur skulls and leather jackets. Word on the street is that Cage didn't just buy the property for the tax breaks; he’s actually trying to create a climate-controlled sanctuary for his most delicate possession: a collection of supernatural souffles. Apparently, the triangular walls provide the perfect 'spiritual feng shui' to keep his phantom desserts from collapsing before midnight. It’s the kind of high-concept real estate move that makes Martha Stewart’s farm look like a cardboard box. Neighbors are already complaining about the mysterious chanting coming from the property, but honestly, that’s just Nic practicing his lines for a movie about a man who falls in love with a sentient sarcophagus. If you aren't living in a tomb by the age of 60, are you even really an A-list actor? We think not. Stay weird, Nic, you beautiful, triangular man.