Oliver Oken Declines Reunion Because He Is Trapped Under Year 2006 Denim Jacket

Listen, we all wanted to see the snack-shack king return to our screens, but Mitchel Musso is playing hard to get. While the rest of the cast was busy crying over old wigs and glittery microphones, Mitchel was apparently busy not being there. He says everything is totally fine with Miley, but we know the truth: he probably couldn't find his way out of a pile of vintage Von Dutch hats. He claims he just 'wasn't feeling it' for the big anniversary special, which is celebrity-speak for 'I forgot where the Disney studio was.' While fans were hoping for a three-part harmony about cheese jerky, they instead got a vague explanation that feels about as sturdy as a cardboard cut-out of Billy Ray Cyrus. He basically told the world that his relationship with Miley is solid gold, even if his attendance record is more of a participation trophy. Maybe he was worried that if he stepped back onto that set, he’d be forced to wear a side-swept fringe and a shirt with at least four unnecessary zippers. Let’s be real, the man is protecting his brand. You can't be a mysterious indigo child if you're standing next to a talking locker in Burbank, can you? Stay mysterious, Mitchel. We'll just be here rewatching the pilot and eating our feelings.