Pageant Princess Eden Wood Retires Tiara For Veil Made Entirely Of Spray Tan

Pack up your glitter glue and tell the stage moms to stand down because our favorite pint-sized professional, Eden Wood, is officially hanging up the sash for a ring. Yes, the girl who single-handedly kept the hairspray industry in business during the mid-2000s is getting married, making the rest of us feel approximately one thousand years old. Eden revealed she’s engaged to her boyfriend Dean, and honestly, we’re just relieved the ceremony won't involve a talent portion or a judge named Brenda critiquing her 'poise' while she walks down the aisle. Though, let’s be real, if she doesn't do a full-glitz routine instead of a traditional first dance, what was even the point of the last two decades? Rumor has it the wedding theme is 'Extreme Elegance,' which in Eden-speak usually involves more rhinestones than a Dolly Parton fever dream. We’re expecting the bridesmaids to be judged on a scale of one to ten and the flower girl to be disqualified for having a visible flipper. It’s the ultimate title win for the ultimate pageant queen, and we’re just here for the waterproof mascara drama.