Pentatonix Star Produces Tiny Human Capable of Hitting High C in Diaper

Move over, lullabies. Scott Hoying and his husband Mark have officially welcomed their daughter, Birdie James, and rumors are already swirling that her first cry was actually a perfectly pitch-shifted arrangement of a Top 40 hit. Honestly, if this kid doesn’t have a choreographed beatbox routine by her first birthday, we’re asking for a refund on the whole concept of celebrity offspring. While most babies are content with a simple rattle, little Birdie is reportedly already judging the acoustics of her nursery and demanding a better reverb pedal for her mobile. Sources say the nursery isn't just a room, it's a sound-treated studio where even the diaper genie has a built-in subwoofer. We can only imagine the sheer pressure of having to hum in tune just to get a bottle of milk around that house. Scott and Mark are clearly over the moon, but we’re mostly just worried about the neighborhood birds. How are they supposed to compete with a child literally named Birdie who has a professional vocal coach for a dad? It’s an unfair advantage, frankly. Expect a platinum-selling nursery rhyme medley to drop on Spotify before she even masters solid foods.