Prime Video Stars Invade Local Salad Bar, Confusing Everyone and Ordering Only Water

The streets are officially crawling with the cast of Prime Video’s 'Off Campus,' and honestly, we aren't safe from their flawless bone structures. Jalen Thomas Brooks, Antonio Cipriano, and Ella Bright have been popping up everywhere this week like a collection of human filters that forgot to stay in the app. One witness says they looked so good in the wild it actually made a nearby pigeon feel insecure about its plumage. While ordinary people were busy trying to remember their passwords or crying over gas prices, these three were seen acting deeply suspicious—by which we mean they were just standing there, looking radiant. Antonio Cipriano was reportedly seen holding a juice that was so green it looked like it could power a small electric vehicle, while Jalen and Ella maintained a level of eye contact that suggests they can communicate via telepathy about which lighting is best for a candid. Experts (aka our night-shift intern) suggest that the cast is attempting a 'Vibes Takeover' where they simply out-glow everyone until we all surrender and binge-watch their show. If you see them coming, our advice is to put on some oversized sunglasses and pretend you’re also on a hit streaming series. Don't let them win the war of the cheekbones without a fight, people!