Professional Best Friends Dehydrated After Weeping At The Sight Of Matty Healy

It is a tough week for professional hangers-on who happen to have very sensitive tear ducts. Anastasia 'Stassie' Karanikolaou and Victoria Villarroel have officially announced that they are emotionally compromised after witnessing Matty Healy and Gabbriette Bechtel tie the knot. The duo took to their podcast to confirm they weren't just crying, they were full-on hyperventilating like they’d just seen a ghost or a 50% off sale at a filler clinic. Stassie admitted that the waterworks started early, likely the moment Matty Healy didn't do anything problematic for five consecutive minutes. The wedding was apparently so moving that Victoria spent most of the ceremony wondering if she should also marry a man who looks like he lives exclusively on cigarettes and black coffee. It’s a vibe, it’s a mood, and it’s apparently a cause for severe puffiness. Experts in the field of being 'totally obsessed' suggest that the girls may have been crying because they realized they have to go back to their regular lives of being famous for being near other famous people. Either way, the tissues were out, the mascara was running, and the 'Better Half' podcast hosts are now looking for a brand deal with a high-end eye cream to repair the damage.