Rebecca Black Dates Shadow Person To Avoid Friday Night Interrogation Protocols

Rebecca Black is finally living her best life by dating someone who might actually be a figment of our collective imagination. After years of telling us which seat to take in the car, Rebecca has opted for a partner who doesn't even have a seat—or a face, or a digital footprint. She claims the 'mystery' is a total turn-on, which is really just code for 'I don't have to explain my TikTok drafts to her.' Word on the street is that this 'private' girlfriend is so mysterious she doesn't even have a favorite day of the week. While Rebecca is out here celebrating the weekend, her boo is busy being an enigma wrapped in an oversized hoodie. Fans are convinced the mystery woman is actually just three raccoons in a trench coat, but Rebecca says the lack of a blue checkmark is the real aphrodisiac. It’s honestly a genius move. If your girlfriend doesn't officially exist, you never have to worry about her liking your ex's Instagram posts from 2014. Rebecca is basically out here dating a VPN, and honestly, we have to stan a low-resolution icon. Who needs a public relationship when you can just stare lovingly at a blurry silhouette?