Royal Pug Receives Knighthood for Managing to Not Bark at Prince William

The palace is shaking and it isn't just the foundations of Windsor. This week’s internal royal superlatives have leaked, and honey, the drama is thicker than clotted cream. While Prince William was busy trying to look busy, a local pug named Barnaby has officially been dubbed 'Most Likely to Succeed' after ignoring the future King for a full ten minutes. Usually, the Corgis run this town with an iron paw, but word on the street is they’ve been demoted to 'Most Likely to Trip a Footman.' The pug, who belongs to a minor Duchess we can’t remember the name of, sat there with his tongue out and didn't even sniff a royal trouser leg. It’s the kind of diplomatic poise we haven’t seen since the nineties, frankly. Now the fashion world is spiraling because the pug was wearing a miniature silk cape that cost more than my first car. Prince William reportedly gave the pup a polite nod, which in royal terms is basically a standing ovation. If this dog ends up with a better title than the minor royals, don't say I didn't warn you. The social hierarchy is officially in the kennel.