Screenwriter Paid Millions to Keep His Hands Off Sharon Stone’s Direct-to-DVD Sequel

Imagine getting paid $1.5 million to literally do nothing. No, I’m not talking about being a member of the British Royal Family—I’m talking about legendary screenwriter Joe Eszterhas, who just revealed he was bribed with a mountain of cash to stay far, far away from the sequel to his most famous flick. Most writers have to actually, you know, type words onto a screen to get paid. But Joe apparently reached such a level of 'too much energy' that the studio decided the best way to make the movie was to lock him in a closet with a sack of money. He describes the move as the 'wisest' thing he ever did, mostly because the movie turned out to be a total dumpster fire that he didn't have to defend at brunch. Now Joe is laughing all the way to the bank while the rest of us have to live with the memory of that weirdly unnecessary follow-up. He didn't have to navigate a single awkward casting meeting or decide how many more cigarettes Sharon Stone needed to smoke. He just sat back, watched his bank account grow, and let the chaos unfold from the safety of his couch. Honestly, Joe is our new career icon. Why work for a living when you can be paid specifically to not work? I’m currently waiting for several major streaming services to offer me even $50 to not write a sitcom pilot, but so far my inbox is quiet. Joe, teach us your ways.