Selena Gomez Walks Five Consecutive Feet in Sneakers, London Declares National Holiday

London is known for its grey skies, warm beer, and the occasional royal wedding, but everything stopped this week when Selena Gomez performed a feat of superhuman athleticism. The star was spotted wearing actual, functional sneakers while walking across a sidewalk. Witnesses say she moved her legs in a rhythmic, forward motion without a single stiletto snapping in half. It’s a miracle for the ages. Usually, we expect our A-listers to traverse cobblestones in footwear that looks like it was designed by a medieval torturer. But Selena? She went rogue. By choosing Cole Haans, she has signaled to the world that she is officially 'done' with the concept of gravity. The sneakers were so practical that rumors are swirling she might actually be planning to walk to her next destination instead of being carried in a golden sedan chair. Fashionistas are currently in a state of emergency. The local pigeon population reportedly stopped pecking at crumbs just to stare at the foam cushioning. If this trend continues, we might see other celebrities doing the unthinkable: breathing comfortably and having functional arches. Stay safe out there, Selena, the pavement is a scary place for someone who isn't vibrating at the frequency of a high heel.