Seth Rogen Learns to Use Vacuum After Two Decades of Sustained Marital Chaos

It’s been twenty-one long years, and Seth Rogen has finally discovered that floors are actually supposed to be visible. The actor admitted that when he first met his wife, Lauren, he was basically just a walking pile of laundry and bong resin. Now, after two decades of intense training, he’s apparently graduated to the level of 'functional adult,' which mostly means he knows where the trash can is located. Neighbors say they were shocked to see the actor handling a broom without using it as a prop for a stoner comedy. Sources—okay, it’s just us guessing—say the couple’s secret to longevity is Lauren’s infinite patience and a very expensive industrial-grade carpet cleaner. Apparently, the evolution of their love can be measured in the declining number of ancient pizza crusts found under the sofa. While Seth continues to pivot from 'chaos goblin' to 'pottery-making husband,' fans are wondering if this new clean-cut lifestyle means he’ll start showering once a day. Probably not. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves; we’re just happy he’s finally moved the cereal bowls out of the bathroom Sink.